Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - December 2006

01/12/06  ||  Global Domination

Aanal Nathrakh: Eschaton

6.8 /10

Lord K: The word “anal” always cracks me right the fuck up, I’m juvenile like that. My anal-ysis is this: Anaal Nastkhrhrath’s blackish metal is pretty much fucken killer. Just listen to the opening riff of “Waiting for the barbarians”. If that doesn’t tear you a new anal-hole, you are completely rectum-ish… 8

Ripper Bendix: Anaal Nathrakh are THE FUCKEN SHIT. I can’t stress enough how this fucken band blows me the fuck away each and every time I listen to them. It’s really everything I hope for in music: it’s aggressive, filthy, dangerous and fast as fucken fuck. If you want evil – you got it. Anaal Nathrakh are a ten point band in my book no matter what they do, and given the fact that they are not really uncomplicated characters I’m giving them a LOT of fucken rope here, hahaha. 10

Rafal: One of the most interesting and creative entities that has ever walked this earth. Uncompromising hyper-blast black metal with a hint of madness thrown in between those chaotic tracks. That’s how real black metal should sound in the new millennium. 9

Desert Eagle: Before I listened to these guys I checked out their info and I saw them listed as black metal/grindcore. Excuse me? Grindcore? I do not see a tracklist of twenty-some odd songs. It does suck like most grindcore though. 3

Syrrok: Black metal descend from the depths of hell to the tippity top of the unicorns horn! This band should hire a metronome to step in for the drummer. 4

Fishermane: Wikipedia defines Anaal Nathrakh as a band who is caught between the boundaries of black metal, clean vocals and talent. Most of these songs are actually decent, but “Waiting for the Barbarians?” Where are Amon Amarth when you need them? 7

Death Breath: Stinking up the night

6.8 /10

Lord K: If you take most of my comments for Coldworker and add them here with the difference of everything being exactly the opposite, you got my opinion on this highly awaited album. What a huge fucken letdown Death Penis is. For deeper thoughts, read this piece. 4

Ripper Bendix: I never knew that music like this is still being made! Jesus Fucken Shit I love this! Smells like Autopsy, Pestilence and stuff like that. Oh man. My cock is SO fucken hard right about now, but you probably don’t want to know that. You want old school? Here it is, and that’s how it’s fucken done. PERIOD! 9

Rafal: I don’t know why, but I like the record wholeheartedly. I don’t mind it being a little bit “off” the modern death metal standards, it’s pure old school all the way. I’m glad to see Nicke back in the saddle again and hope it won’t be a one-album side-project. 8

Desert Eagle: Fuck yes, motherfuckers. This shit is GRUFF. This shit is dirtier than my beard after getting shat on since I like shit on my face. Didn’t you know that? Seriously though, mange on this brutal death. 8

Syrrok: Just not my thing. I remember K saying something about J loving the old badly-produced stuff. I respect his allegiance to it, but I can’t help think of what these songs would sound like if the actual “sound” was given some attention. A great time to put on and drink too though. 5

Fishermane: Props to the clever wordsmith who labored meticulously to come up with the titles for this release. Still, being a fan of the old-school, I actually enjoyed most of this. The break at 1:50 in the opener is almost worth the price of the album itself. 7

Belphegor: Pestapocalypse

6.8 /10

Lord K: Blasts, melodies and chaos is what Belphegor hands out. Apart from having a quite sucky vocalist, these guys aren’t exactly all shit. I like the small elements of Zyklon that can be found in Belphegor’s riffings at times. 7

Ripper Bendix: Belphegor are fucken sick in the head. There’s nothing more I could possibly add here. 9

Rafal: Blackened death metal with huge fucken power. Listening to it is like meeting the devil himself, you can almost smell the taste of sulphur and pain in the air. From a decent band they have developed into a great killing machine, and that’s audible in every piece of “Pestapocalypse”. 8

Desert Eagle: Have you ever seen “The Wedding Singer”? It’s quite hilarious, much like Adam Sandler’s newest movie “Click” which is out on dvd right now! What does this have to do with Belphegor? Little, but let me try to tie it together anyways. Adam Sandler is past his peak just like black metal hit its peak years ago. He still makes movies for some reason, just like black metal bands still make albums. Yeah, that was pretty weak. I’m sorry you guys. I’ll try harder next time. 6

Syrrok: Deck the halls with upside down crosses and crows drinking priests’ blood. Decent music roped with the vitriol necessary to pull it of. If only not for the machine gun snare drum. 5

Fishermane: It’s like there’s a party in my ears, and there’s a shitload of death and black metal invited! Too bad someone invited redundant & slightly annoying vocals, I hate those guys. By the way, has anybody seen not-so-witty comments and subpar reviewer on the verge of being fired yet? Those guys are cool… 6

Coldworker: The contaminated void

6.7 /10

Lord K: Much more death metallish than what I expected it to be. Much more potent than I expected it to be. Much more groovy than I expected it to be. I’m quite impressed by Coldworker’s death/grind. And as you might have noticed, I didn’t exactly expect that. I see good things happening for Coldworker. And they fucken deserve it. 8

Ripper Bendix: Is “contaminated void” a euphemism for vagina? But seriously, am I the only one who gets some serious Panzerchrist vibes from this stuff? I mean good ol’ Panzerchrist because they lost what made them cool? I’m surprised actually, because from the name + band pictures I SO expected half-assed hardcore. This here tears some serious fucken shit up. 8

Rafal: I hate to say that I’m not taken aback by these guys. Modern grind/death metal with a good production and decent songwriting will mostly appeal to fans that have always considered Nasum the best band in the world. It’s worth spending money on, but I don’t guarantee any fireworks. 6

Desert Eagle: In case you didn’t know, I enjoy death metal. It’s probably my favorite genre of music. Since this is death metal I must like it to appease all of you clowns. So eat it up fuckers, this is an ok slab of death. 6

Syrrok: A great guitarsound mixed into songs that are as memorable for me as last night’s hole was for David Lee Roth. This album’ll get them some gigs, and therefore beer, so I’m sure they’re satisfied. There’s no way they could have expected more from this. 4

Fishermane: Pretty intense shit right here my friends. I’m positive the song “Waiting for Buildings to Collapse” is a reference to Einstürzende-Neubauten (which according to my sexually ambiguous German side-kick Hans Frü, translates to “Collapsing Buildings”). Anyhow, check this out for some impressive death metal, on the grind tip. 8

Regurgitate: Sickening bliss

6/10

Lord K: Exactly how fucken thrilling can grindcore be? “World downfall”, that’s how. “Sickening bliss” is, despite its awesome cover, not even close to that. Grindcore is a very small genre and it’s hard to invent something new to it. Regurgitate plays the safe cards. And for being a grind band, they do it fine. It’s just a shame I’m not that huge a fan of said style. 5

Ripper Bendix: Uff-ta uff-ta -uff-ta uff-ta, plus blasts, plus hysterical album cover = instant Ripper manlove. I am on my fucken knees and eternally grateful that this fucking band exists. 9

Rafal: Like with every album of this band, after a couple of tracks I get bored to death. It’s a fun grind record to drink beers to, but you will find more goodies on Nasum’s albums. 6

Desert Eagle: This is some DISGUSTING grind. The vocals sound like vomiting growls coming from a whiskey-soaked towel slapping a dead hooker’s twat. I can’t even tell you how satisfied I am with that metaphor. 9

Syrrok:A definite top-10 on the album cover contest of 2006. If I was on extreme drugs then this album would sound better. Actually, I’d probably forget about this album and listen to Bobby Brown or something if I was that gone. Well, to the short, you have typical hardcore punk grind stuff thats funny for a whole of 2 minutes and then it’s just infuriating. 2

Fishermane: The last time I was sick, it wasn’t bliss. Neither is this. Regurgitate will probably please fans of this genre, but pretentious motherfuckers, such as myself, will find themselves searching for the skip button on their shitty new Winamp skin they tried downloading due to a friend’s recommendation, but ended up pissed because as snazzy as it is, it’s hard to operate. Where’s the fucking volume control? 5

I: Between two worlds

6/10

Lord K: Where’s Immortal when you need them? Ah, they are preparing for the Wacken Suck Fest in 2007, that’s where. 4

Ripper Bendix: If you expect an Immortal clone here, please kindly phucque oef. I don’t know why, but I kinda predict that “I” might face the same fate as the “Dominion Caligula” cd. An underappreciated classic with excellent material quite different to the original band. Ah well, it’s fucken Abbath, you WILL fucken love it. 8

Rafal: If you ever happen to hear Abbath talk about his new project as something different from Immortal, then take it as bullshit. I plays nothing but a mixture of rock’n‘roll and black metal that sounds exactly like the guy’s main band. It’s decent but by no means rousing. Good for a listen or two. 7

Desert Eagle: This makes me not miss Immortal. Sort of. This is some better-than-decent blackish metal type music. What’s better than decent? Cromulent? Yeah, this shit is mad cromulent. Keep it up I(mmortal). 7

Syrrok: So much better than Immortal. But it’s hard not to do that, all it takes is a production in which you can actually HEAR the music. “Between Two Worlds” is an album you can tell Abbath wanted to make for a very long time. I’m sure he saved all these riffs on his laptop the last time Immortal was touring Iceland thinking to himself, “what the fuck am I doing in Iceland with Immortal?”. I don’t’ know, but this stuff is pretty good. 6

Fishermane: You know, only 2 things get my goat. Lame, generic, uninspired metal bands and goat rustlers. 4

Lay Down Rotten: Breeding insanity

5.7 /10

Lord K: Bring in some extremely triggered and irritating tom sounds, spice it up with Swedish death metal, weak growls and there you go: Lay Down Rotten. Quite competent but also very tedious after a short while. You so heard it all before. 6

Ripper Bendix: I am actually surprised that this here seems to be a German band. Never heard of them before but this crossbreed of a bit of Behemoth, In Flames, The Haunted and a cocktail shaker full of concentrated Stockholm makes me throw up my arms and go “woo” and wave my hands like some fag. This means that I like something, btw. 7

Rafal: There’s not much to say about them. Another decent death metal band from Germany. You heard it once, you heard it all. 5

Desert Eagle: This one reminds me of a killer whale. It’s more great music from a band full of white devils. This isn’t shitty garbage can music like most of this AA. This is music that everyone, including Andrea and her baby, can enjoy. Yia! 8

Syrrok: This band’s great because their singer takes up the entire stage. I like that, a huge presence. You get some death-to-black metal vocals with the normal fast riffs and drums, and really nothing worth writing to your lover about. 3

Fishermane: Listening to this kind of brutal metal is about as fun as picturing Stephen Mallinder doing “The Snake” on the Berlin Wall, circa 1977. (For an explanation of this joke, please send 5$ to Fishermane, P.O. Box 1298, Montreal Quebec, H4G 1T6. And make the stamp a snazzy one!) 5

Arsis: United in regret

5.5 /10

Lord K: First we have the joy of Anal Nastanthrax and now we have Arses (ofcourse that’s not a typo). This edition of AA is turning extremely gay. Where the first mentioned ass-band is awesome, Arsis is very poor. Melodic bullshit metal that doesn’t put any hair on anyone’s cornhole. I’m close to fucken out of anal references now. 4

Ripper Bendix: I guess if Destruction made death metal it’d sound kinda like this. In parts at least, because here’s a lot of blending going on. Including some C.O.B nods here and there. Some kind of metal cocktail with a cherry on top. Yum. 7

Rafal: Gay name but the technical death metal they play is quite good. The album is packed up with very pleasant melodic riffs, but there’s nothing spectacular to it. 7

Desert Eagle: More like “United in Sounding Exactly the Same as Always”! For most bands this would be a bad thing. However, with Arsis this just means they’re still tearing it up and fucking cutting shit. Here we go, AAAAAAAAUUUUGGGGH! Solid melodic death. 8

Syrrok: Stuff that I’ve already forgotten. 2

Fishermane: Being a music critic sucks. The work is rough, the pay blows (at least compared to the pre-NAFTA days, damn Mexicans, thanks Ross Perot!), your boss is an ass and the women aren’t as easy as before (at least compared to the pre-NAFTA days, damn Canadians!) Arsis is ok, but will do little do change my feeble situation. 5

Soulscar: Endgame

4.8 /10

Lord K: So, the guy can play guitar and wants to show off all the time? Good for him. If the material was half as good as he is at doing solos, this could have ended up being pretty good. It’s a shame the vocals and actual tunes destroys that opportunity. 3

Ripper Bendix: I’m sorry man, but I have to hate you now because this is the kind of music I want to sell to the record companies next year. Currrseeeeeeee youuuuuu. Nah, just kiddin’, I love you bitches. 8

Rafal: The music of today bores me. Seldom do I find a band that is worth something. Soulscar are unfortunately mediocre and bring nothing new to melodic death metal. Old patterns, different people. Give up, please. 4

Desert Eagle: I looked up this band and when I looked at their label I thought I saw that they were signed to “Gay Records”. That was really amusing to me, you should have been there. 5

Syrrok: This album makes me want to dance in the shape of a hexagon for some reason. It just seems right. Unlike this band. But I gotta think if I’m trying to remember what a hexagon looks like than at least my attention will be off this not very good metal with vocals that make my penis cry. 3

Fishermane: Who the fuck would dare naming a song “Phoenix Tears” in 2006? These guys can play, no doubt, but I’ve never been a big fan of semi-instrumental melodic metal. Knights of eternal justice, proceed with caution. 6

Chaosfear: One step behind anger

4.7 /10

Lord K: Can someone tell these guys that they need a production at least, I don’t have the heart to do so myself… Thrashy bullshit that I seriously hope scores low as cock in this edition. Chaosfear should ask Santa for some talent this coming x-mas. 3

Ripper Bendix: And one step behind innovation. It’s not that the riffs are bad, but virtually everybody else – including myself – has already played them. Nevertheless this shit kicks ass like fucken fuck which just confirms the old proverb that it doesn’t matter how old a fucken joke is as long as you know how to fucken sell the punchline. 7

Rafal: It’s not the most refreshing thrash album, but the mix of good musicianship and songwriting gave birth to a real enjoyable release. Metal fans should check it out because Chaosfear needs their support to become big. And they deserve that. 8

Desert Eagle: The only thing worse than their band name is their attempt at good music. I can’t believe I wasted part of my life listening to this. I will never get this time back. I just might cry. Fuck you, crying is cool. 2

Syrrok: If this is one step behind anger, I’d gladly move to the front of the line. There will be no major motion picture made about these guys in the near future, and I doubt they’ll even be shown in other band’s party footage. No one wants to explain that afterwards. Rather generic with that tin can snare. 3

Fishermane: “One step behind anger, twenty steps behind a decent snare sound”. 5

Wolf: The black flame

4.5 /10

Lord K: Wolf loves heavy metal and is right up there with the best of them. Niclas’ vocals has a tendency to sound really fucken weak at times but if/when you get used to them, they fit the concept very well. I’m not a 100% there just yet, but I’m getting closer. “The bite” is the tune Judas Priest wish they wrote. 7

Ripper Bendix: Best thing about this is the cover painting by that Mercyful Fate painter. Yay. 4

Rafal: This AA edition is very heavy metal oriented, I like that. Wolf is yet another band that can be described as “catchy and groovy” – and it wouldn’t be a lie. Wanna headbang some more? Hire these guys. 7

Desert Eagle: I have one word to describe this band: crap. Were you expecting something funnier? Fuck you! I’m not your joke monkey. These guys are a joke though. 2

Syrrok: Rock and roll! Well, these guys are a little bit stronger than that, but the epic thing doesn’t quite add up for them. I absolutely love thrash metal so my metal heart pours out for Wolf, but there is also no place for the untrue at the top of the Heavy Metal Mountain. The vocals are just a little too weak. 4

Fishermane: This is me before listening to Wolf. This is me after listening to Wolf (I’m the guy with the nice ass). 3

Asesino: Cristo satanico

4.5 /10

Lord K: As if two bands with “ass”, “arse” or “anal” wasn’t enough in this edition, Ass-esino joins in to be laughed at/with. I confuse this band with Brujeria all the time, with the difference of Brujeria being pretty cool at times. Asesino’s brand of death metal passes for decent, at best. Is Dino still fat and ugly? Of course he is. 5

Ripper Bendix: Man, at first I completely hated this album. The groovy stuff is fucken great, the grind-crust shit tickles my nuts as well, but the Sepultura homagepenis stuff that’s wrapped around the good parts puts me off a bit. Man, I sure am glad that the good parts outweigh the bad parts by fucken TONS. 7

Rafal: I thought Dino Cazares gave up on metal. I was wrong. He is back with his new band, and having been joined by the Static-X vocalist, he only proves that metal is not his game anymore. Uninspiring joke-metal shit. 4

Desert Eagle: So… fucking… lame. 2

Syrrok: Brujeria just wasn’t shitty enough for ol’ Dino it appears. While this is a step up in terms of production, it’s about equal to my balls in songwriting. Being close to the Mexican border though, I’m afraid to give this anything less than a: 4

Fishermane: I’m assuming that “Asesino” means “assassin” in Spanish. “Satanico” most likely means “Satan”, and “Cristo” probably means “You know, Brujeria was cool like 10 years ago and although what we do isn’t that bad, it’s not exactly that entertaining either”. “-Hey, nice sombrero, wanna cha-cha or fulfill any other Latin American clichés?”. Or something like that. 5

Gwar: Beyond hell

4.3 /10

Lord K: Gwar live is a funny experience. Gwar in audio is not. Never was. Fuck off. 3

Ripper Bendix: Retire. Just fucken retire, okay? You bore me to fucken death. 3

Rafal: I was never fond of Gwar, though this album is a nice surprise. A lot of thrash metal riffs, up-tempo’s and catchy choruses create a new image of this band for me. I think I will put it on every time my friends drop by for a beer. 7

Desert Eagle: All I have to say is that my friend got a staph infection at a Gwar concert. I will repeat this information since it bears repeating. My friend, got a staph infection, at a Gwar concert. 1

Syrrok: Gwar’s making everything better as they tend to do. The music has never been the high point for this band but it’s getting there. Balsac’s come up with some good stuff in this one. Ya never know, maybe one day they’ll hang up the gimmick and REALLY start writing some good songs. 6

Fishermane: It’s hard to take Gwar seriously in 2006, although I’m sure they’re aware of it themselves. Most (read: all) of this is done tongue-in-cheek style and can be fun at first, but it gets played out pretty quickly. Still, Gwar brought up 149 search results at eBay, so that deserves some recognition. 6

Leatherwolf: World asylum

3.7 /10

Lord K: Whoever decided that this album should be featured must be killed. Leatherpenis can suck my wolf. 2

Ripper Bendix: Okay, those dudes have been around a fucken while and that’s exactly how they fucken sound. Not my fucken cup of tea, but I’ve never been into true, power, glory whatever metal, so fucken blow me. 4

Rafal: Astonishing musicianship and catchy rhythms with a lot of hooks and solos is what you can find on this release. They have taken up a more “heavier” course this time, but it doesn’t turn out any fun. 7

Desert Eagle: Sigh… It always has to be one of these bands doesn’t it? It makes me want to die in the worst kind of way. Which would be something like this: Having hot tar poured all over my balls, tar that was mixed with honey so bees would sting and harvest my balls all the while I would have electrodes hooked up to my anus so my butthole would be shocked into oblivion. Then I’d hang myself to end it all. Hang myself with barbed-wire coated with salt and pubes. 1

Syrrok: Leatherwolf is back and more than ‘street ready!’. This is almost too gay for Syrrok, I know I know. Still the greatest name in the last 20 years. 4

Fishermane: Apparently, a leatherwolf is the offspring resulting from a wolf engaging in sexual intercourse with a couch, most likely a leather one. Otherwise, you get a suedewolf (or a plastic coverwolf, if it happens in an Italian family’s house). 4

Mushroomhead: Savior sorrow

3.7 /10

Lord K: I always liked the obvious Faith No More influences that Mushroomhead uses. Some of the material is really fucken awesome while other stuff is plain weak. When Mushroomhead are at their best, they are pretty damn good. It’s a shame they are not at their best more often. 6

Ripper Bendix: Are you fucken kidding me? This is fucken embarrassing. 1

Rafal: Industrial gothic rock/metal a’la Marilyn Manson. Two or three songs are the maximum of my endurance. I might be a hater and say that this band sucks balls, but the kids will like it either way. 3

Desert Eagle: You really can’t expect much from a band with so many members. It’s like inviting all your friends to hang out and then get wasted and sing along to Lamb Chop’s “Play Along”. Where kids come to play along and fun things are all we ever do. 5

Syrrok: If they could turn their collective tears over Slipknot’s success into good music, then they might have a shot. What boring garbage with an overrated gimmick. 2

Fishermane: Hey, Pantera called, they just wanted to say “Hi guys!”. That’s all, nothing more. 5

Got Shot In The Face: How am I not myself

2.7 /10

Lord K: What a fucken load of monkey-semen. 2

Ripper Bendix: Trivia Of The Day: actually getting shot in the face is more fun than this album. 1

Rafal: American hardcore that uses thrashing rhythm’s and metallic noises to make it all sound modern. I don’t understand it and will probably never like it. I got shot in my ears. 4

Desert Eagle: You know what I’m just going to sit back and enjoy what everyone else says about this band. Everybody, give it up for the GD staff. They hate anything with core elements. It’s a little unfair but whatever. These guys suck anyways. 2

Syrrok: Terribly boring emo-stuff. I want to arrange a nice bouquet of flowers for these guys and dab all of their instruments with a dove’s tears. These riffs alone would make even the toughest 8th grader cry. 2

Fishermane: You got shot in the face and then what, you miraculously survived, figured that your story was so inspiring that you decided to start a band and talk about how you’re not the same person as before, assuming people will still buy the record no matter how much shite it truly is? Fair enough. 5